Lisa's Story 08/09/2009
 
I received a letter from Lisa that I would like to share with you. She has graciously agreed to allow me to do so. Lisa addresses many societal issues that we, as women, face, including our society’s obsession with physical perfection, distorted body image and the resultant effects on our girls. She also addresses her path toward healing, which included her taking responsibility for all aspects of her health, finding meaning in her life (in her case, through her religious beliefs) and opening herself up to the help and support of others. She also describes the decisions that she had to make when she chose “health,” decisions that required her to let go of people, beliefs, and activities which no longer supported her growth. Last, and perhaps most important, she describes the gifts of listening to her inner wisdom and allowing gratitude to flow into her life.

As you read through her story, ask yourself the following:

1.  What false beliefs am I holding?
2.  What and who needs to be released from my life?
3.  Where do I find meaningfulness?
4.  Who will support me on my new path?

Rebecca,

 I appreciate you sharing your knowledge and insight, not only from a clinical perspective, but from that of a beautiful woman in the midst of life. In response to your post about cellulite on the ankles, I said “every one of my lines, bumps and blemishes tells my life story—good and bad—they make up our beauty if ‘all’ is appreciated.” It has taken me a long time to come to this place of acceptance—one of my epiphanies coming as recently as three weeks ago. I have struggled with weight problems my entire life, and throughout this was my mother’s constant emphasis that I needed to be thin. Not thin to be healthy, but thin to be physically beautiful, like there is something wrong with you if you are not. This type of message still continues to be sent to young women and men through the media, and the parent or caregiver needs to be the first line of defense against this.

When my daughter gained quite a bit of weight in high school, I was concerned about her physical and emotional health—not her looks. She was not eating well and was becoming sedentary. I continued to encourage the development of her mind and involvement in extracurricular activities. I allowed her to try anything she wanted—music, sports, art—my only rule was that once she committed to the activity or team, she had to stick out the season.

 Shortly after she moved away to college, my former husband packed a suitcase and left me for another woman. I was completely alone, lost and grossly overweight. This prompted my first realization that I could turn a negative into a positive, and I began taking control of my health—my physical health, my emotional health, and my spiritual health. Every single one of these was a vital component in my healing and growth. I lost 50 lbs. through diet and walking, found an excellent therapist, surrendered my troubles to Christ, and found a wonderful church home. 

 I was humbled to learn that I was highly regarded in my community, as I always felt I was in the shadow of my ex-husband. I learned who did not have my best interests at heart and I said goodbye to those “friends” and sought out more positive ones. I also found a mentor, a dear, sweet but firm woman, older and wiser than myself.

So back to the lines, bumps, blemishes and acceptance. When I lost all my weight, I lost the plumpness in my face, and the lines became so visible. I was also upset that no matter how hard I worked out I could not get parts of my body the way I wanted them. That old damaging program was still running somewhere in the back of my mind. Through my biblical studies I learned it was time to get back to being the woman God intended me to be. I must assume responsibility for myself and not be the product of what my mother, my father, or this world did or did not do to me or for me. Through my mentor I learned that I must guard my thoughts, that no one can make me feel bad about myself or make me have a bad day unless I give them permission to.

So equipped with all this new armor, I began to look for happiness within and to listen to the still small voice. I started to take stock of all of the good things about myself and developed a new found gratitude. While my stomach may never be as flat or my derriere as tight as I would like, I love my neck, my shoulders and my décolletage. I used to hate my height because I felt it was another thing that made me “big.” Now I feel blessed to have long strong legs that can carry me wherever I want to go. I am grateful that God has blessed me with a good heart, full of love and compassion. I love having a broad sense of humor and a hearty laugh. I appreciate it when someone compliments my warm smile, or tells me they like my energy and feel good when they are around me. I am deeply touched when someone says what a fine young woman my daughter is and what a good mother I am. And yes, I have even made my peace with those lines on my face. Each one represents the track of a tear or the deep trace of smile, and the wisdom gained from each one of those experiences. I have never felt more beautiful, or happier to be a woman in my life.

Warm regards,

Lisa
 
Thank you, Lisa, for sharing your story with us.

For relevant posts, please see Ankle Cellulite and Who is Fighting for Her Feminine. We would love to hear your thoughts. Please comment here or on the blog posts. If any of you would like to share your healing story, please e-mail to: rebecca@rebeccaelia.com



 


Comments

jeannette guerra
08/09/2009 12:14

Rebecca and Lisa,
I too had a lot of issues with my body. I have struggled with my weight most of my life. Now in my mid forties, I am at a place where I have chosen to be healthy and strong. I feel happier and more confident in myself as a woman and as a person. Getting support is also an important factor in maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I am fortunate to have a supportive husband, friends, and a gym that provides this.

Thanks for sharing your story and all the best in your efforts to stay healthy.

Jeannette

Reply
Rebecca Elia link
08/09/2009 13:55

Thank you for your comment, Jeannette.
You are so correct. Support is extremely important, especially when we live in such unsupportive surroundings!

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Cara Lopez Lee link
08/10/2009 09:46

After reading Lisa's story, it occurs to me how some family and friends can use the excuse of "love" as a reason for "control." Sometimes "I just want what's best for you" is a rationalization for putting us in boxes that make others feel safe. When we can't fit in those boxes, and they withhold acceptance, they can make us feel ugly or unlovable.

When we learn to approve ourselves, and to only seek those people, or those parts of people, who wish us spiritual growth on our own terms, then we begin to discover our true beauty.

I've never had a serious weight problem, yet I faced years of loneliness and disapproval, because I didn't fit other people's pictures of who I should be. Luckily, most of the time I didn't try. I've always known who I am, but now I also know who to surround myself with, so I'm not alone in the joy of living on my own terms. And now I'm also beginning to find joy in helping other women discover themselves on their own terms.

Lisa's story is a gift. I hope women who need her story find it.

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Rebecca Elia link
08/10/2009 14:21

Cara,

I so appreciate your comment, because Lisa's story is relevant to us all, including those of us who have not struggled with weight issues. Most of us have struggled with "fitting into" the norm--because, in many cases, "the norm" isn't normal at all! I love that you've had the courage and inner strength to march to the beat of your own drummer. Hopefully, your story will allow others to find their own strength to create their own paths.

Those of you who have already done so know that as soon as we let go of all in our lives that doesn't support us, we start attracting all that does, so that our fear of loneliness eventually becomes a distant memory.

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BetsC
08/10/2009 19:29

Thank you for sharing Lisa's story with us, Rebecca!. I, too, am facing the "curves" in the road of mid-life. I was never a "skinny" girl, but was always rather "curvy" even as a young woman. I was not able to celebrate this at a young age as I was always trying to fit into someone else's ideal of how my body "should" look- which at that time, meant tall, thin, long-legged, and long blonde hair. Now, in mid-life, I celebrate who I am, from the INSIDE out- and that has made all the difference!
Ladies, if you are curvy like me, celebrate yourself with this theme song "Celebrate the Curves" from a woman who knows how to enjoy her own beauty and brass: http://tinyurl.com/kkvb83

Enjoy LIFE!
BetsC

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