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This list is longer than the previous two, perhaps because everything makes noise in Greece—even the silence…

1.       “Δέκα-οκτώ- δέκα-οκτώ- δέκα-οκτώ (theka-octo-theka-octo-theka-octo)”:  For those of you who don’t know Greek, this is, literally, “eighteen-eighteen-eighteen.” There is a bird that makes exactly this sound. They even call it the “theka-octoura,” or something like that.  When I first heard it, I thought I was having auditory hallucinations (not an infrequent occurrence in Greece).

2.       The cacophony of church chimes: Some are beautiful. Some make you want to toss yourself over that Grecian cliff…yes, the one right outside your door. The first time they wake you up, you swear to yourself, never again, I will find every church within a five-kilometer radius and stay outside that radius. But even if you do manage to find every church (which is unlikely) there are, for example, over 100 churches in the town of Skopelos alone…so, good luck with that! By the way, they go off every half hour, the deep dark night included—so you may want to request noise-cancelling headphones on your birthday list.

3.       Crashing dramatic thunder and rainstorms: Did I mention this kind? The kind that have grown adults cowering under the table? Or that Grecians island roofs suggest protection rather than actually provide it? I spent one such extremely long night mopping up the floor with the only towel I had. The rain was dripping down the inside of the walls—a situation that made buckets useless.

4.       Low-pitched drumming of the ferry boats: Yes, the ones that arrive at 5:00 am.

5.       Irritating voices on loudspeakers, often early in the am:  What is that extremely annoying noise—a cross between a sick animal and—dare I say it—a human voice? Are they actually saying something? Yes, they’re usually selling something…anything from onions to dirt to political candidates.

6.       Cats in heat: I’ve come to the conclusion that one of the joys of American city life is never having to deal with these bizarre screams in the middle of the night (unless, of course, you live in poorly insulated apartments, and what you’re hearing aren’t cats…).

7.       Horns

8.       Raised dramatic voices: Number 7 or a football game is often a prerequisite, but certainly not necessary, not in the least.

9.       Confused  roosters: If you somehow manage to escape the church chimes, and you’ve forgotten your alarm clock, no problem. Greek roosters consistently crow at 2am, 3am, 4am and finally 5am. You’ll have plenty of opportunities to avoid sleeping in.

10.   Three am garbage collection: You’re in the middle of Athens and there aren’t any nearby roosters? Don’t worry, there’s the 3am garbage collection. Be sure to stay on the ground floor to experience the full affect. The first time this booming shaking noise awakened me, I thought Athens was having another of its frequent earthquakes…or we were under attack. Nope. Just the friendly sanitary engineers. (Thank God, they were engaging in Number 8 so I could tell the difference.)

11.   Waves: One of the loveliest sounds on earth, it almost makes up for the previous ten…almost.

12.   The whining and rumbling of motorbikes: Again, if you have the unbelievable experience of no churches and no roosters and no 3am garbage collections, there’s always the motorbike. Remember, Greeks stay up all night—so you’re only gonna escape this one if you’re on a motor-free island, like Hydra (but it wasn’t quiet , even there…another story).

13.   European sirens: You know these from the movies. They’re real, and they sound exactly like they do through your surround-sound home speakers.

14.   The Da-daaa da-daaa da-daaa da-daaa of the Greek ring-tone

15.   The chattering din of an extended family of birds at 6:30pm: The animal (and people) wildlife in Greece provide you with so many time-telling opportunities. You really can get by without a watch.

16.   Blessings and Greetings: This is definitely one of my favs and includes such lovely expressions as: “Kalimera,” “Kalispera,” “Kalinixta,” “Ti kaneis?”  “Yeia sou,” “Na eisai kala,”  “Filakia,”  “Kalo Xeimona.”

Would you like to share some of your sounds of Greece?


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Greece Prep 101 08/15/2009
 
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Don't expect this


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Expect this

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If you’re traveling to Greece from the United States or one of the many “civilized” European countries, you may be surprised by unique, independent Greece. Although Greece has been accepted into the EEC, to assume that Greece is like any other European country will, alas, leave you grossly unprepared.

But, don’t worry. I’ve put together a brief list of helpful preps for your next trip. It’s best to give yourself plenty of time—some recommendations require three to five years to be effective—so read this list early. Oh, and, WARNING: many of these recommendations are, indeed, hazardous to your health, but, hey, your trip to Greece will be so much more enjoyable:

1.   Noise Pollution—Greece is the poster-child for pollution, all types of pollution. The EEC has published noise standards for all of Europe, and Athens fails these standards, miserably. Combine screams, traffic, horns and the 3am garbage collections from hell, and you’re well above the decibel limit. At one point I contemplated whether or not all the yelling that goes on is because everyone is deaf.  But don’t worry, we have a plan. Take your iPod ear buds, place them in your ears, and over the next four weeks gradually increase the volume until close to max. (This will most definitely destroy your hearing, but will come in quite handy when in Greece-as you will be yelling as loudly and effortlessly as the rest of the population.

2.  Nefos (air pollution)—move to Los Angeles or next to a coal plant approximately three to five years before your first Grecian trip. If neither of these is possible, then move to that town in China where our used computer parts go—yes, the one with the green water where everyone is dying of cancer.

3.  Lower your time expectations--Purposely stand in very long crowded lines that do not move for hours. The only difference in Greece is, well, there are no lines.

4.  Conversely, avoid standing in lines; practice elbowing your way to the front of every crowd, especially if you are elbowing older pushy women out of the way.

5.  Cigarette smoke—If you aren’t already smoking or breathing in second-hand-smoke on a daily basis—what are you waiting for?

6.  Prepare to stop for goats—not sure where or how you would practice this. Suggestions, anyone?

7.  Do not telephone anyone or conduct any business between the hours of 3pm and 7pm.

8.  Skip breakfast, unless it’s coffee and a cigarette, and eat lunch and dinner later—at 2pm and 10pm. Start napping mid-day and staying up ‘til at least 2am. When you do fall asleep between 2am and 4pm, make sure an extremely loud noise, such as a crowing rooster, or an earthquake wakes you up approximately 1-2 hrs after you have fallen asleep—or as soon as you’ve entered REM stage.

9.   Practice sitting as close as you can to the people dining next to you—and standing as close as you can to the strangers next to you--without actually touching them.

10.   Practice saying, “Ooh-hee! Then say thel-loh (No! I don’t want you)” as you click your tongue and jerk your head up. And “Ooh-hee! Then sah-gah-poe (No! I don’t love you).”

11.   Withdraw all of your money from the bank in cash and store it under your mattress (just in case the banks strike for the next two months).

If you successfully complete all of the above, you will have a fighting chance of truly enjoying your Greek experience. Good luck, and remember, no physician in their right mind would suggest #1, #2, #5 or #8.


***For those of you who made it to the bottom of the post without a migraine, I  apologize for the cut-off left margin. I have reported it to the Weebly police, and, hopefully, it will be corrected soon. Now, please excuse me while I take a Maxalt.
I can't believe it! When I went to post this apology the left-hand margin reappeared!

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