It is not only unusual foods that make Greek meals interesting. Here are ten things that can assist you in staying on that diet:

1.  Carnivorous wasps:   Most people think that bees and wasps just go for lemonada, the sweet carbonated lemonade drink, but Greek wasps prefer meat or fish. Their persistence is quite entertaining. The Greeks have come up will all kinds of solutions, such as burning ground coffee. Basically, you can’t win. If your food is not already smoked from the cigarettes it will be from the burning coffee. The carnivorous wasp story winner goes to an unlucky worker on the set of Mamma Mia at Agios Ioannis. The wasps were determined to take down as many of our plastic-boxed lunches as possible. As we were driving along the serpentine sea-cliff road back to town a screaming ambulance sped by in the opposite direction. We later learned that one poor soul had battled a wasp for his lunch and lost. Actually both he and the wasp lost when he swallowed it whole. Even worse, he was allergic. So, if they say that no living thing was injured during the making of Mamma Mia, they’re lying. (See Pic*)

2.  Location, location, location:  The Greeks are not too particular about where they place those outside tables and chairs. Some tavernas are set up in the middle of the street, literally. One of my favorite Mamma Mia behind-the-scenes stories is about the unusual way in which the camp trailers crossed over mainland Greece to the harbor at Volos. Suffice it to say that they took a wrong turn somewhere in the mountains near Delphi and found themselves on a road less traveled, so less traveled that the taverna workers had to remove every table, chair and customer from the road.

3.  Weather:  For a typical weather story see Red Poppies, Greek Easter. About once every other year, we get September thunderstorms on Skopelos. We’re talking bad enough that grandmothers get washed into the sea and motorbikes have to be tied to the sides of buildings. The Greeks, however, are prepared. They encase entire tavernas in plastic wrap. It almost works. The only problem they haven’t yet solved is the river under the tables. As long as you remember to keep your feet on the chair stretcher next to you, you’ll do fine. Otherwise, you might end up in the sea with Yiayia.

4.  The Eccentric Locals:  Beside the obvious impossibility of anonymity (I swear they’d all come join your table if one could make it big enough!) you may have to contend with some rather unusual sites. One of my favorites was the guy walking down the street carrying a white toilet.

5.  Cats:  The wasps are not the only native carnivores. You’ve never seen cats dine like this. They don’t touch anything that isn’t fish or meat, even if they’re starving. The situation is, however, greatly improved from its cat-Zambian past. Some brave Great Britain vets snuck their way in and spayed a bunch of cats, despite local protests. This helped solve the cat overgrowth problem, but back-fired with the rat and mice populations.
When will we learn that it's not nice to fool Mother Nature?

6.  Cigarette Smoke:  The Greek #1 form of birth control also acts as an appetite suppressant—both for smokers and non-smokers. Two, two, two benefits in one. I can’t believe that they actually passed a law that divides inside restaurant space between smokers and non-smokers. You can imagine how effective that one is.

7.  Neighbor Proximity:  As hinted before, the Greeks would all sit at one table if given the chance. If you treasure peace, quiet, alone time, then how the heck did you end up in Greece? I mean, what were you thinking?

8.  Natural Demolitions:  You have entered the land of natural decay. Everything, previously-living and not, degrades in this country. You can’t walk down a Greek street without running into a carcass of some sort. Even the buildings decompose. The Greeks are really great about allowing whatever they don’t possess to rot. My favorite was in the small picturesque harbor of Agnondas, known for its fresh fish. I was enjoying a beautiful sunset with a Dutch friend, had just finished a perfect saganaki midia and RUMBLE…BANG! CRASH!! Were we having another earthquake? No, the small dilapidated single-room abandoned house across the street finally took its last breath, shuddered and collapsed. No one blinked an eye--no one, that is, other than the two of us.

9.  Unwanted Stares:  This goes along with #4, #6, and #7. Put them all together and you get eccentric Greeks walking down the street carrying white toilets while smoking cigarettes, staring at you, and looking for empty seats at your table…an everyday occurrence. Welcome to Greece!

10.  Uncomfortable Chairs:  My back, butt and arms ache already… I ran across my Greek chair fantasy one day, in a back abandoned lot on Skopelos…

Happy Dieting!



*Wasp picture courtesy of my friend Loes

I’m all for equal opportunity. The following are my Greek Food and Drink Faves:

1.   Saganaki Midia:  Mussels in a tomato and feta cheese wine sauce. Yummy! Not to be confused with plain saganaki, which is fried cheese, or saganaki garides, which contains prawns instead of mussels. But if you make a mistake, don’t worry; you just can’t go wrong here!

2.  Kolokithokeftedes:  That’s a mouthful in more ways than one! These are a zucchini-herb mixture formed into balls and fried.

3.  Greek Yogurt with Skopelos honey, walnuts and fruit: Yes, you no longer have to travel to Greece to experience Greek yogurt, especially if you have a Trader Joe’s close by. If you want, however, to experience the typical Greek yogurt, we’re talking sheep’s milk. And you’ll just have to travel to the Mamma Mia Island to sample Skopelos honey…pine tree flavored…no kidding! (See pic)

4.  Greek Salad- Horiatiki: Okay, this may be boring, but it’s close to perfect. You get a combination of veggies—usually tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, and perhaps green peppers with very healthy Greek olives and great protein, feta cheese. It even works for vegetarians, and is usually an economical choice.

5.  Beets with Skordalia: I know that I already mentioned this one, but it is a favorite. The garlic is great for the immune system too.

6.  Favorite ouzos: I have two. Plomariou and Barbayannis. Both are produced in the town of Ploumari on Lesvos. There’s nothing more to say; you’ll just have to try them. If you can have only one meze (appetizer) with ouzo, then ask for a bowl of great-tasting Greek olives. If you want protein (probably a good idea) then order #7.

7.  Fresh grilled octopus: This plus a glass of ouzo is just about as close as one can get to heaven.

8.  Horta: A Greek food staple, horta literally means “grass.” It’s boiled dandelion greens. There are many varieties—some more bitter, some less so. This dish is served with lemon, olive oil and salt. Women in particular benefit from this extremely healthy dish, because it is rich in phytoestrogens (weak naturally-occurring plant compounds that bind to estrogen receptor sites, thus providing some protection against the effects of stronger estrogens.) The previously low incidence of breast cancer in Greek women was attributed to the high intake of olive oil, but I wouldn’t be surprised if horta played an important role. Are you seeing a pattern?  I’m sure you’ve heard by now that the original Mediterranean diets are the best!

9.  Fried zucchini withTzatziki: Okay. This one’s not so healthy, but wow is it yummy. Realize that there are as many different tzatzikis as there are Greek cooks. I like mine with—yes, you guessed it—lots of garlic and lemon (not vinegar). For those of you who haven’t yet tried it, this is a thick yogurt dip (the Greeks call all their dips salads, salata) with garlic, lemon or vinegar, cucumber, olive oil and dill.

10.  Favorite dessert: Oh, I have so many, but if I had to pick one, it would be the loukoumades with Skopelos honey. Sorry, I’m biased.  I can’t remember the name of the particular zacharoplastio (sweet shop), but if you’re headed to Skopelos, send me an e-mail and I’ll give you directions. Loukoumades are large donut holes.  My favorite ones are huge, the gigantic variety to match the big beans, gigantes…oops that’s #11, and I committed to just ten.

It’s no surprise that my Fave List is much longer than my Warning List. Hope these show up on your Fave List too!

These foods might not appeal to everyone…I felt it was my duty to give you a “heads-up.”

1.       Mageritsa:  If you happen to find yourself in Greece during Lent and believe that lamb innards belong inside the lamb and not inside you, then you may wish to avoid mageritsa. Descriptions on Greek food sites, such as a “lemony soup made from lamb sweetmeats,” do not do it justice. Think instead, non-descript pieces of everything from liver to lung, heart to kidney, in a slightly lemony, mostly garlicky broth (to hide other tastes). Honestly, the one I had was missing the eyeballs only.

2.       Kokoretsi:  This is mageritsa minus the broth, grilled. It is usually accompanied by a lot of ouzo or its Volos cousin Tsipouro. There is a good reason for this. The EU has tried to ban serving animal innards, but it takes more than a ban to stop the Greeks!

3.       Skordalia:  Okay. I happen to love skordalia, but if garlic doesn’t turn you on then you may wish to avoid it. The trick here is to use the most garlic and the least potatoes or bread to make a thick rich paste. It is yummy with beets. If you would like to see what it looks like, find the old men or follow your nose.

4.       Arheedia: Yes, that's testicles, and they have been known to show up in kokoretsi. I haven’t tried them yet…at least, not to my knowledge…

5.       Fresh Raw Sea Urchins:  We’re talking very fresh, the hey, are they still moving or do I need glasses? kind of fresh. In all fairness to the sea urchin, my Greek friends swear that our prickly sea-friends are truly marvelous, a real delicacy. But even the stunningly beautiful Mykonos sunset backdrop and my third glass of ouzo couldn’t convince me.

So, you are all forewarned…eat at your own risk! And, remember, these five are good excuses to order that extra ouzo. Kali Orexi!