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Robbie's Story

2/10/2010

 
I introduced you to photojournalist Robbie Kaye in the blog post Timeless Beauty. I asked Robbie about how her experience of documenting these older women in her Beauty of Wisdom project has influenced her life. She has graciously agreed to share her answer and insight with us:

 As I approached turning fifty, I started thinking about my future as a woman, as a person. In “Beauty of Wisdom,” I was fortunate to photograph and interview my elders, women in their seventies and above, and I felt like I was looking into their eyes searching for who I was to become.  Every single woman I met had a gift to share; an anecdote, humor, poignant words about aging and about their sacred connection to their hairstylist.  If I wrote a thank you note to all the women of Beauty of Wisdom and all the women that they represent it would read something like this:

Dear Women of age and beauty,

Thank you for providing a look into my own future, one that is now filled with inspiration and enthusiasm.  You have shown me what real courage is, the kind that comes from embracing life fully without expectation, except to be happy and connect to people.  You have reminded me what is important in life with your anecdotes and stories and pearls of wisdom.  Thank you Ellen, 70, from New Orleans, for reminding me to live authentically and Mrs. Guste, 89, who enlightened me about owning things. 
Her house was looted during Hurricane Katrina and all her jewelry was stolen, all the jewelry that her husband ever gave her…and she was wearing white plastic pearls and said, “everything is on loan, it’s all borrowed and when it goes away, it’s time to give it back.” Their lines on their faces, their white snowy hair, their hands strong with evidence of hard work and deep love gave me reasons to look forward to my own aging process and not to fear it or be ashamed by it.  There was not an ounce of shame present, maybe shyness, but no shame.  Now I have more role models than ever, to follow in their footsteps, my own mother and Lillian, who shared emails between her and her friends on the topic of aging in ways that kept me laughing and honoring their position in this life. I thank them for their “take me as I am” attitude, which gives us all permission to live in that way if we choose…as they have done, with no regrets as they still look forward in their lives….and to their weekly ritual of going to the beauty parlor where they connect with other warriors like themselves…who have been going for most of their adult lives, attending to their self-care in more ways than just getting their hair styled.  Thank you for leading the way….you all are quite visible to me. 


With love and gratitude,


Robbie 

Thank you, Robbie. I hope that we may all experience the deep wisdom and beauty of those who have traveled this earth before us.

Lisa's Story

8/9/2009

 
I received a letter from Lisa that I would like to share with you. She has graciously agreed to allow me to do so. Lisa addresses many societal issues that we, as women, face, including our society’s obsession with physical perfection, distorted body image and the resultant effects on our girls. She also addresses her path toward healing, which included her taking responsibility for all aspects of her health, finding meaning in her life (in her case, through her religious beliefs) and opening herself up to the help and support of others. She also describes the decisions that she had to make when she chose “health,” decisions that required her to let go of people, beliefs, and activities which no longer supported her growth. Last, and perhaps most important, she describes the gifts of listening to her inner wisdom and allowing gratitude to flow into her life.

As you read through her story, ask yourself the following:

1.  What false beliefs am I holding?
2.  What and who needs to be released from my life?
3.  Where do I find meaningfulness?
4.  Who will support me on my new path?

Rebecca,

 I appreciate you sharing your knowledge and insight, not only from a clinical perspective, but from that of a beautiful woman in the midst of life. In response to your post about cellulite on the ankles, I said “every one of my lines, bumps and blemishes tells my life story—good and bad—they make up our beauty if ‘all’ is appreciated.” It has taken me a long time to come to this place of acceptance—one of my epiphanies coming as recently as three weeks ago. I have struggled with weight problems my entire life, and throughout this was my mother’s constant emphasis that I needed to be thin. Not thin to be healthy, but thin to be physically beautiful, like there is something wrong with you if you are not. This type of message still continues to be sent to young women and men through the media, and the parent or caregiver needs to be the first line of defense against this.

When my daughter gained quite a bit of weight in high school, I was concerned about her physical and emotional health—not her looks. She was not eating well and was becoming sedentary. I continued to encourage the development of her mind and involvement in extracurricular activities. I allowed her to try anything she wanted—music, sports, art—my only rule was that once she committed to the activity or team, she had to stick out the season.

 Shortly after she moved away to college, my former husband packed a suitcase and left me for another woman. I was completely alone, lost and grossly overweight. This prompted my first realization that I could turn a negative into a positive, and I began taking control of my health—my physical health, my emotional health, and my spiritual health. Every single one of these was a vital component in my healing and growth. I lost 50 lbs. through diet and walking, found an excellent therapist, surrendered my troubles to Christ, and found a wonderful church home. 

 I was humbled to learn that I was highly regarded in my community, as I always felt I was in the shadow of my ex-husband. I learned who did not have my best interests at heart and I said goodbye to those “friends” and sought out more positive ones. I also found a mentor, a dear, sweet but firm woman, older and wiser than myself.

So back to the lines, bumps, blemishes and acceptance. When I lost all my weight, I lost the plumpness in my face, and the lines became so visible. I was also upset that no matter how hard I worked out I could not get parts of my body the way I wanted them. That old damaging program was still running somewhere in the back of my mind. Through my biblical studies I learned it was time to get back to being the woman God intended me to be. I must assume responsibility for myself and not be the product of what my mother, my father, or this world did or did not do to me or for me. Through my mentor I learned that I must guard my thoughts, that no one can make me feel bad about myself or make me have a bad day unless I give them permission to.

So equipped with all this new armor, I began to look for happiness within and to listen to the still small voice. I started to take stock of all of the good things about myself and developed a new found gratitude. While my stomach may never be as flat or my derriere as tight as I would like, I love my neck, my shoulders and my décolletage. I used to hate my height because I felt it was another thing that made me “big.” Now I feel blessed to have long strong legs that can carry me wherever I want to go. I am grateful that God has blessed me with a good heart, full of love and compassion. I love having a broad sense of humor and a hearty laugh. I appreciate it when someone compliments my warm smile, or tells me they like my energy and feel good when they are around me. I am deeply touched when someone says what a fine young woman my daughter is and what a good mother I am. And yes, I have even made my peace with those lines on my face. Each one represents the track of a tear or the deep trace of smile, and the wisdom gained from each one of those experiences. I have never felt more beautiful, or happier to be a woman in my life.

Warm regards,

Lisa
 

Thank you, Lisa, for sharing your story with us.

For relevant posts, please see Ankle Cellulite and Who is Fighting for Her Feminine. We would love to hear your thoughts. Please comment here or on the blog posts. If any of you would like to share your healing story, please e-mail to:
rebecca@rebeccaelia.com



    Authors

    Authors of these stories are all of you who have experienced healing and balance through reclaiming the Feminine in your lives.
    Congratulations, and       thank you for sharing your stories with us!    

    For more information,  please see the first post on March 13, 2009.

    E-mail your stories to:
    rebecca(at)rebeccaelia.com.   Remember to give your permission to post your stories. 


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